Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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