Soap is not a condiment
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
