My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
