Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So here I am, sexting at work.
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