They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
