I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
