he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
