i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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