I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
