you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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