i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
