Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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