Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
