So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
