some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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