Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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