Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
