8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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