if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
