so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
