One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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