his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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