Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
