That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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