Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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