Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
