I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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