There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So drunk its hurt
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I am one with the molecules
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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