I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
