why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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