Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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