Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
