so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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