I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this boner is exhausting
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
