I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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