you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
farters have to be the big spoon...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
