SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
