I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
