i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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