I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
