just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Less talking, more tequila
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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