So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
