You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
