Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
