Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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