best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
