I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
