just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
