my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
