are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
