I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
