in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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