you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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