I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the day after is always just damage control
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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