Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.