Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
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I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have