Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.