What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"