You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
nutella sex= disaster
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.