hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?