i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need dunkaroos back in my life.