Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.

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  (908): My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size. http://tfl.nu/6vyk
  Replies (23) Good night (950) Bad night (4224)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Well said.

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  (757): seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with (703): Well said. http://tfl.nu/migv
  Replies (19) Good night (3601) Bad night (761)
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  (310): View more from California

  you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.

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  (310): you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk. http://tfl.nu/32ev
  Replies (21) Good night (5305) Bad night (966)
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  (516): View more from New York

  See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil

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  (516): See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil http://tfl.nu/4t0w
  Replies (14) Good night (690) Bad night (4084)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So glad I found your sister.

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  (240): There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find. (443): So glad I found your sister. http://tfl.nu/p3yp
  Replies (36) Good night (9987) Bad night (1372)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

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  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (6249) Bad night (951)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion

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  (856): Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion http://tfl.nu/nnpe
  Replies (7) Good night (3537) Bad night (788)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.

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  (514): I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari. http://tfl.nu/cpgv
  Replies (6) Good night (855) Bad night (1265)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..

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  (815): Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won.. http://tfl.nu/wk4z
  Replies (6) Good night (1490) Bad night (447)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.

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  (913): I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll. http://tfl.nu/i4my
  Replies (0) Good night (966) Bad night (537)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...

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  (218): I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin... http://tfl.nu/zsou
  Replies (2) Good night (338) Bad night (622)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.

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  (817): I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/tfur
  Replies (3) Good night (769) Bad night (694)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?

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  (609): I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian? http://tfl.nu/utza
  Replies (1) Good night (280) Bad night (512)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.

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  (847): Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way. http://tfl.nu/5snx
  Replies (1) Good night (690) Bad night (236)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on

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  (775): He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on http://tfl.nu/rn16
  Replies (7) Good night (622) Bad night (282)

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