he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.