I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
