I checked into jail on foursquare
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i think i just lost a toe
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
