My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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