Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
