I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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