Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
A bitchslap is in order.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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