tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want to be your penis for a week.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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