He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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