it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
