i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
