Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
