my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
im on a boat
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