There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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