im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
