we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
